I have some pretty serious issues with my back. I have had surgeries removing discs and replacing them with cadaver bone, a metal plate, and three metal screws. I make frequent trips to the emergency room for pain relief in my lower back. I still do some physical work, I still lift heavy things.
I often hear from others who are suffering from back pain as well. Those who know me tell me often that they do not know how I do what I do with my back as bad as it is. I tell them every time that I cannot say that my back hurts worse or less than theirs. I do not and I cannot feel their physical pain just like they do not and cannot feel mine. Therefore, whatever is going on with my pain a comparison to theirs Does Not Apply.
It has been a few years since the pandemic of Covid 19 brought death and destruction around the world. There are millions of reflections from people sharing the way it affected their lives. Some got COVID-19 and some did not. Some got vaccinated every time a new booster was available and would swear it was the reason they did not get COVID-19 or the reason they had a mild case of it. There are some that did not get vaccinated and worked in a place where she was the only un-vaccinated employee in the building and saw everyone who was vaccinated catch COVID-19 while she did not. There are some who were vaccinated that caught Covid multiple times and some that even died from it while being fully vaccinated. There are others that were vaccinated and caught COVID-19 and still spread it to other family members. There were some that took the vaccines, all the boosters, and to the best of their knowledge have not had any health issues from it. While there are others that had serious even fatal health issues after just one injection of the vaccine. There are others that caught COVID-19 and had serious underlying conditions that took medication they were told would not work and survived COVID-19 because they took that very medication, Ivermectin. Others who were healthy and followed the prescribed guidelines of taking NO medication, because they were told there was none that would work, died. What may have been good for one person does not mean it was good for everyone, your experience Does Not Apply to mine, nor does mine apply to you.
It has been quite a few years now since the death of my son. My firstborn was in my life for thirty-five beautiful years. I am not the only one that has experienced this pain, not even close. Parents that have lost children can talk to other parents that have lost children and do our best to condole that pain and try our best to find the words to offer some kind of comfort. Close friends and family have told me that in time I will heal, and the pain will go away. December 26, 2023, has been 11 years since he died. I hurt every bit as much as I did that morning when I first saw him on that cold steel table. I still have days when I can not hold back the tears. I still have nightmares of seeing his lifeless body on that table. I still search for answers, and reasons, and blame myself for not being there when he needed me. When I talk to other parents I tell them my truth. I tell them there are no magical words that will make the pain go away. I tell them time has not made any difference for me. I tell them the only thing that keeps me going is that I know in my heart it is what my son would expect of me. I know that I have two daughters and grandchildren who need me in their lives also. It would not be fair to any of them for me not to give as much of myself to them as I am giving to my son. We all must work hard to find our own mechanisms to cope with our pain. Your solutions are not mine, nor are mine yours. Where you find solace others may find heartache and pain. Where you find answers, others may find more lies and deceit. Heartache of any kind can never be a one-size-fits-all, you will quickly discover that it Does Not Apply.
If we were all the same, we all have the same desires, same needs and dreams, same favorite colors, flowers, clothes, and perfume, if we were all the same then we would all have the same DNA. We do not have the same DNA once again it Does Not Apply.
Simply my Thoughts
Dean Butler
