We can analyze this as far back as we want to go, but let us start here. If someone you thought was your friend that also thought you were their friend just happened to run across a message you sent to another mutual friend talking very ill of them, how would you like for them to react? Would you like for them to get angry and go tell all their friends including more mutual friends that you were telling hurtful lies about them, in turn having many more people have ill thoughts of you? Or would you prefer they come to you on a personal level and ask you why you said those hurtful things about them? Thus giving you a chance to explain your actions, and perhaps even producing an acceptable excuse. This of course gives you an opportunity to save your friendship. Of course, that second choice would seem most logical, considerate, and thoughtful. But then if the second choice seems to be the better choice perhaps we should go a little further back in this perpetual circle. Would it not have been equally as thoughtful, considerate, and logical to give your friend the exact same consideration? By going to them on a personal level and discussing with them whatever it was you felt the need to share with another friend that more likely than not could not do anything at all to repair or change it. It really doesn’t matter if you are friends or not, it is far better, far more respectful, far more considerate, and thoughtful to discuss whatever troubles you with the person it originates from. You can share it with a multitude of people but they cannot change it. It will, and can only be changed by the people it involved in the beginning. So aside from simply venting to give yourself some alleged relief you accomplish nothing other than getting more people involved and more feelings hurt by discussing any situation between you and someone else with anyone other than that someone else directly involved. The venting is in all reality not a fix at all it does far more harm than good. So before you go sharing something that is troubling you about someone else with someone else, try sharing it with the person that did whatever it was that troubles you. Chances are it was a misunderstanding in the beginning and can easily be corrected, or apologized for and in doing so a friendship strengthened rather than deteriorated. Your integrity shined rather than tarnished. You will discover that communication is very important in every aspect of your life. With your significant others do not assume they know what you are thinking. More often than not your assumption will be wrong, but if you discuss it with them you know then that you are on the same page. If you have a debt and cannot make a scheduled payment do not assume they automatically know that if you did not pay it was because you did not have the money at that time to pay. Call them up or go by their office and discuss your situation on a more personal level. It will not pay your bill but it will certainly make the lender feel better about it and understand what is going on. They may even help you find a way to fix it without damaging your credit score. Do not be one that spreads rumors, and starts the perpetual circle of deceit and hurt feelings. Be the person that wants a resolution.
Simply my thoughts
Dean Butler
