My Suicide

I can’t deal with this cruel life any longer. I hate my life; I absolutely hate it. I know my life is irrelevant. No one cares, no one will miss me when I am gone. All that I can see in my life is the pain I have endured. The humility, the rejection, the hate, and loneliness. I ask myself over and over, what purpose does my life serve? My answer always comes back, none. There is no hope, no resolve, and no amount of love that can change my mind. You claim you know how I feel; you have no clue how I feel. You don’t know what it is like to wake, look into the mirror and see me. You cannot imagine what it is like to face someone and see the hate in their eyes when they stare at me. They all see through me, never, ever really seeing me. When I close my eyes I see death. When I close my eyes I see all the things that I wish I could have been. I see all the things that you wanted me to be. When I close my eyes, in death I see myself coming back. I see myself coming back to the person I should have been………..You.I want to come back and be YOU in all your perfection. I want to be you in all your beauty. I want to be you in all your infinite wisdom. I want to be just like you in every way possible. I even want to rest easy as I sleep knowing I sent someone spiraling down to their death. No, no you do NOT want to be this person or anything like them. You are exactly who you need to be, look exactly how you need to look, and your wisdom is so much greater than theirs. Your heart, your compassion, and your empathy for others separate you from them in such a way that they should want to emulate you. Always be you, don’t let others or the action of others define who you are or how you react to what they say and do towards you. As much as you may find humor in your words toward someone else. The truth is those words hurt much more than you think. Those words as simple as you may find them to be can send someone into a state of depression that could ultimately end their lives. Please, please don’t hurt them…….hug them and give them a reason to live.
Simply my Thoughts
Dean Butler